The East African Man of Means

So anyway, whatever brought us here, brought us here. I have convinced myself that it is time to get back on the proverbial dating horse and bachelor no 1 has been secured. He has been calling all week in preparation for our date. I must say I too am getting kind of excited then tragedy strikes. A couple of days before the big date I wake up with a scratchy throat! These are Covid times so isolation is the only way. I am forced to tell him and we agree that I must stay indoors for 7 days and see if I develop symptoms. I am of course distraught! How can I just die, just when I have just met the father of my children? I am panicking. Young, gifted, beautiful and dead😭😭

A few minutes later I get an SMS, it is from Vodacom “+266 58** **** has recharged your account with x GB of data “. The EAMOM texts to say that its for me to watch Netflix so I don’t get bored. I honestly would have been more impressed with a straight up E-Wallet but the thoughtfulness is touching. I of course use the data to plan our wedding on pinterest. The theme is Black and Blush and I will walk down the aisle to Lana Del Ray’s young and beautiful. He keeps on doing this every second day till we agree that since I don’t show any other symptoms its time to get off my isolation and go to lunch! The only problem becomes, what do I wear to a date with destiny?!

For this auspicious occasion my mother has done my hair, my sister has styled my outfit and I look like a peach. He picks me up in his chariot! Fine, it was a car but.. He looks dapper, smells like confidence and an expatriate’s salary and welcomes me into his car by sanitizing my hands and giving me a new mask, I of course had my own mask but in these Covid times, masks are the new flowers. We drive to a restuarant out of town for our lunch.

At the restuarant, we have to sign a register for contact tracing, security guy asks for my name, writes it down then turns to my date and goes “you should write your name, I probably can’t spell it anyway” I am offended, I tell him off, why does the color of his skin makes you assume he has a difficult name? I go on a tirade about how if he was French and his name was Jean-Pierre they would have atleast attempted it. Besides, his name is only 3 letters. In the end we are seated and he tells me that he doesn’t mind and is used to these little indignities, he says he is quite impressed by my fighting spirit though.

We are sitting outside on the terrace, the cocktails are flowing, the food is delicious, I have a sunkissed glow, the conversation is intellectual sprinkled with him marveling at my beauty, which is fine by me. I soak up compliments like a sponge. His timepeice of the day? An Aviator! I shamelessly google the cheapest Aviator watch while he goes to the bathroom and what I find out makes me realize that I shall indeed have a Cartier ring to go with the Vera Wang gown.

After lunch we decide to order drinks to go, he tells me I can order as many as I want since it’s a lockdown so I can frink some at home later, I politely just take 10 cause I dnt want him thinking I am that kind of girl. He pays with a Chase Black card. Then he takes out cash to tip the waiter, he tells me that he likes to tip in cash cause he knows what a struggle it is for waiters to get their tips back from restuarant management. So sweet of him to understand the struggles of the common man. He is going to teach our children such valuable lessons one day. Ohh,iv already decided that our first daughter is going to be named Nala. If you were worried about my English bundles running out during the conversation, no need to fret, I am a multilingual boo and nazumgunza kidoko ya keSwahili

In any case I come back from our date with a spring in my step and a song in my heart.